Ten Commandments
V - “Honor your father and mother, that it may go well
with you”
Parents of teenagers point to this commandment often. A father of four
teens said, “There’s nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them
won’t aggravate.” Another said, “Insanity is contagious. You catch it from your
kids.”
The fifth commandment is not directed at teens, but to families and
children of every age. This is the first commandment with a promise.
ILLUS: A study once disclosed that if both Mom and Dad attend
church regularly, 72 percent of their children remain faithful in attendance.
If only Dad attends regularly, 55 percent remain faithful. If only Mom attends
regularly, 15 percent remain faithful. If neither attend regularly, and just
drop off their kids at church, only 6 percent remain faithful. –
I think it’s interesting that God goes from our relationship with Him,
to that with our parents. (Why do you think this is so important? Answer - It
affects all other relationships! Our parents, our siblings, our friends, our
family members, our co-workers, and our world.)
Look at Romans 1:18-32:
18 The wrath of God is being revealed
from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress
the truth by their wickedness,
19 since what may be known about God is plain
to them, because God has made it plain to them.
20 For since the creation of the world God’s
invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen,
being understood from what has been made, so that people are without
excuse.
21 For although they knew God, they neither
glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile
and their foolish hearts were darkened.
22 Although they claimed to be wise, they
became fools
23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal
God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and
animals and reptiles.
24 Therefore God gave them over in the
sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their
bodies with one another.
25 They exchanged the truth about God for a
lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the
Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.
26 Because of this, God gave them
over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual
relations for unnatural ones.
27 In the same way the men also abandoned
natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men
committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due
penalty for their error.
28 Furthermore, just as they did not think it
worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a
depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done.
29 They have become filled with every kind of
wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife,
deceit and malice. They are gossips,
30 slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant
and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents;
31 they have no understanding, no fidelity,
no love, no mercy.
32 Although they know God’s righteous decree
that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do
these very things but also approve of those who practice them.
Sound familiar?
Think about the cycle of life. When a baby is born into a family, he or
she is totally dependent on the parents. (In what ways?) Don’t forget things
other than physical.
As a child grows they become increasingly independent, - not necessarily
smarter! - until they are ready to leave home and have families of their own.
The parents however, take a different path. A path that takes them from the
vitality of youth, to the security of middle age, to the vulnerabilities of old
age. It is during the latter stages of life that they become more and more
dependent upon their children…and the cycle is complete. And so it goes from
generation to generation.
What does it mean to honor our
parents?
1. Honor our parents by obeying them.
2. Honor our parents by valuing their
advice.
"A wise son heeds his father’s
instruction..." Proverbs 13:1
3. Honor our parents by showing your
appreciation.
4. Honor our parents by helping meet
their needs. (Not just in old age.)
Not every home is a happy home, nor a God honoring home, some of us may
have parents who: divorced; fought or were abusive; may have even abused you
phys-ically; or, they were alcoholics. Some may feel like their parents did not
deserve honor, nor forgiveness. But, forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a CHOICE
to not hold on to anger that can destroy your lives and continue the cycle.
Over eighty-five percent of child sexual abuse is committed by someone
the child knows, loves and trusts. Most often the person who exploits a child
is in a legitimate power position over the child. More than fifty per cent of
reported cases list parents, parent substitutes and relatives as being
responsible for abuse. In most cases, what is labeled sexual abuse is really
incest.
Is it possible for a child to honor a dishonorable parent? Millions of
children are conceived without love, abused physically, ignored shamefully, and
damaged emotionally. How are they to respond to parents who have so mistreated
them? Those who join groups like Adult Children of Alcoholics, realize that
their tragedies are shared, and that they can support each other in undoing the
effects on their lives. They recognize that a necessary first step toward
recovery is an honest confirmation that the situation existed. Denial never
brings relief.
The most difficult step is to receive and offer forgiveness. As we
receive forgiveness from God, we should also forgive those who have sinned
against us. Difficult as it is, Paul’s formula is helpful: “Forgetting what is
behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win
the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Philippians
3:13-14).
Those with painful childhood memories can work through them with God’s
help. Honoring parents, worthy or not, is the most healthy and mature course.
Lewis Smedes, a renowned Christian
author, offers a valuable perspective: “The commandment to honor parents
doesn’t tell children to feel happy about their parents or to enjoy camping
with them or even have them over to dinner. It says nothing about happy
emotional relationships. All that it commands is “honor”. The commandment is
concerned with family structure and the role of parents and teachers and
leaders in the family.”
Smedes separates love and honor this way: “Love is natural impulse; honor is a moral choice.” Even when love
has been absent from a relationship, there is still a place for honor. In the
best relationships, however, both should be present.
It is interesting that God addresses this crucial commandment to
children rather than to parents. He might have said, “Parents be kind,
sensitive, generous, and thoughtful towards your children.” But, I think God
wanted to give children the opportunity to “break the chain” so to speak and
choose to honor even the dis-honorable. Remember, we choose neither our parents
nor the environment in which we grow up. We may be raised in circumstances
where respect comes easy, or in extremely difficult settings, but we can choose
to honor our parents, and God promises that “it will go well with you.” Oh, and
one more thing; neither you nor your parents are ever too old…it is never too
late.
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